A Series of Improbable Events 5: Hello!
by ErykahMiszti
Summary: Josh and Donna get married. Sounds so simple.


Donna's dad was freaking out. Josh couldn't blame him. He was borderline himself. If he had to look at another damned seating chart he might just completely lose the will to live.

Of course, he was luckier than Donna's dad. He had a country to help run, so he had a really good excuse to get away from the wedding nonsense at every chance he could. The threat of global thermonuclear war was something he found himself wishing for, so he could avoid talking about colour schemes.

It had turned into a monster with a life of its own, and he was about ready to tell everyone to go fuck themselves and just run away with her to Vegas. Except that he was who he was… and she was who she was... So, basically, no dice. They were getting married with pomp and grandeur and 400 guests – including one former President, one sitting President, two former Vice Presidents and most of Congress - and that was pretty much that.

The logistics were insane. You don't expect a big issue in your wedding planning to be who in the chain of command shouldn't attend for national security reasons (Vice President went with scissors; bad call), and for the question "who's gonna be running the country for an hour and a half on a Friday afternoon?" to be relevant to the discussions. They didn't want to give the impression to anyone out there, foreign or domestic, that the U.S. government was having any kind of vulnerable moment, just because they were having a romantic one.

Which was all contributing to why Donna's dad was freaking out at the thought of walking his little girl down the aisle, past all these people, to music played by select members of the National Symphony Orchestra.

Ever since that stupid TV show where CJ had turned them into the love story of the decade to shut up their critics, their lives had been a roller coaster ride in the full glare of the nation. They were a thing on the Internet. LOLCats both mocked and celebrated them. There were several websites devoted to them. Somewhere, right now, people were sighing over their 'fairytale' romance. Everyone wanted a piece of them, and a thing, that had started in a hotel room with just them and an overwhelming sense of inevitability, had suddenly turned into a massive public spectacle.

It wasn't that he didn't want to marry her. He was clear on that. It was a revelation to him that he couldn't imagine anything more amazing than actually doing this, and he couldn't deny that there were some parts of life lately that he really liked. Having a dumb, yes kinda sappy, picture of them on his desk. Being able to hold her hand in public just because. Welcoming her with a kiss anytime he liked. Having her just come up, stand next to him and snake an arm around his waist with no need to think or worry about what others might think about it.

Even in the midst of the madness, being with her had become the easiest, most normal, thing in the world. It was like - finally - coming home.

It was other people who were driving him mad. The sighing and the smiling and the aww-ing… and the damn wedding planning!

That phone call hadn't put the idea into his head, even though it had blindsided him to hear someone else say it. It had already occurred to him that being married, to Donna, might actually be quite nice. The more he thought about it, the better the idea seemed.

He'd tried for a romantic proposal. He hadn't wanted her to think that he was asking because Hello! wanted to shoot it, because it was politically expedient, and just because everyone was now expecting it. Candlelight and dinner, by the tropical plant surrounded swimming pool, in a beautiful hotel had seemed a foolproof plan. So he'd pulled a few strings and set it all up to be perfect.

Nearly setting the place on fire and ending up in the pool wasn't what was meant to happen. Fairytale? Fat chance… although, asking her whilst soaking wet and in it up to their necks, had a magic all its own. Her breathless "Yes" was gonna be hard to top as the most wonderful thing he'd ever heard, even if she did nearly drown them both when she jumped him.

Although, if he'd known what he was setting in motion..! Yeah, running away to Vegas to avoid the whole dog and pony show was looking pretty good right now.

Helen Santos really was having far too much fun with organising this thing; insisting that it was good practise for organising White House functions. She was one of the people who kept aww-ing at them any time they so much as looked at each other. He really shouldn't be fantasising about strangling his boss's wife.

Kill her, dump the body, fly to Vegas; flee to a non-extradition country. It was a plan.

Except that with Jed Bartlet insisting on bankrolling the shindig - refusing to take no for an answer and impressing on them that he thought of them as members of his family - and with their friends and loved ones so thrilled about it, there was just no realistic way out.

And, hey, the administration had seen bumps in their approval numbers across the board. So, you know, bonus.

Being him, he was also worried about what legislation the Republications might try to sneak through during that hour and a half. Which was why the guest list kept growing. Better to invite them and know where they were.

XXXXXX

The day dawned crisp and bright and clear.

Donna woke up early, through both habit and excitement. The only reason she'd managed to sleep at all was because the bed was just about the most comfortable thing she'd ever slept in. And maybe because she was still recovering from the bachelorette party of several days before. Lou, CJ, Helen, Zoey, Jennifer, and their friend Jose Cuervo…

She'd been grateful for that night of normality. This whole thing was mind-boggling. She was marrying Josh. In a multi-million dollar mansion (chosen for its location and how easy it was to secure). With a good 90% of anybody who was anybody attending. This was surely a dream, she had to be dreaming… Except that, in the odd fantasy that she might have had over the years, it hadn't been like this.

She was marrying Josh. She smiled broadly. She could be marrying him in an Elvis chapel in Vegas and she'd be happiest woman alive today. She didn't need any of this, but she didn't really mind her friends and family enjoying themselves with planning it for them. By the end of today, she'd be married to Josh.

Her dad was still freaking out. It was adorable. Her mom, by contrast, was incredibly calm about the whole thing, and that helped steady Donna any time she wobbled at the knees over the sheer scale of what was going to happen today. The figures on the number of flowers alone sent her mind spinning. Somewhere, outside, hundreds of people were setting everything up, like a military operation. In fact, in places, it was a military operation.

But for now, Donna was stood in the front of the wardrobe - where the most beautiful and expensive dress she'd ever owned was hanging - holding her phone, and she just couldn't stop smiling.

Yesterday, having finished up late, she'd found her feet taking her on the familiar path into the West Wing.

It was late but, of course, there were some people still around. They smiled warmly and offered congratulations as she wandered through.

The place was pretty much the same as it had always been. She found her way to what had once been her spot in here; outside Josh's office, a lifetime ago.

The ghosts still hung around, both good and bad, but nothing could shake her good mood tonight.

"Donna!" Margaret exclaimed, announcing her presence by hugging her. She was dressed to leave. "Shouldn't you be gone by now? You're taking a risk aren't you?!" She stepped back to look at her, smiling. "It's gone midnight. He's not supposed to see you yet today!"

Donna smiled back.

"He said he was going straight home after his meeting on the Hill tonight."

"He was supposed to." Margaret admitted. "But you, better than anyone, know how saying things like that doesn't tend to stop from him dropping in here, to squeeze in that one extra thing."

They both laughed. At Josh… which felt both nostalgic and bonding for the future when their relationship would be subtly different. When Margaret would be his assistant, and Donna would be his wife.

"I'll go in a minute." Donna told her.

Margaret beamed at her and grabbed her for another hug.

"Congratulations!" She said sincerely and then hurried off down the hall.

Donna looked around the office again, nostalgically, psyching herself up to leave the past behind.

Just then someone dropped something heavy in one of the offices and Donna jumped, backing into a filing cabinet and moving it slightly. Papers fell to the ground, and she bent to pick them up. Underneath the edge of the cabinet, a corner sticking out, was a card. She put the papers back on top and bent down again to retrieve it.

It was a florist card. Her heart started beating a little faster as she recognised it. Turning it over, she saw the simple message:

"Happy Anniversary Donatella. Josh."

She smiled.

"Something old." She mused wryly.

In her room in the mansion, later that afternoon, she picked the card up and stuck a pin into it. Lifting her skirt, she tucked the card into her garter and secured it there.

"Donna!" CJ burst into the room, a vision of Amazonian womanhood in form fitting burgundy satin.

Also, her matron of honour.

"Are you ready? It's time to go."

CJ stopped and stared at her.

"You look… Incredible." She smiled. "You sure you wanna marry Josh Lyman? There's like a dozen guys I could introduce you to…"

"I'm good with Josh." Donna smiled back.

"Yeah." CJ agreed reluctantly. "Well, I tried to talk you out of it, so now I can sleep tonight with a clear conscience."

"You love him as much as I do." Donna retorted, teasingly.

"No Donna. I really don't." CJ smiled wryly. "I'm not sure he deserves you, but it's what you – crazy woman – seem to want, so I'm compelled to support you in this madness." She grinned.

"Thank you CJ." Donna smiled genuinely, with tears forming in her eyes.

"Oh goodness sake." CJ said and pulled Donna into a hug. "Let's go get you married… To that undeserving…"

"CJ…"

"Okay. But if he ever hurts you, I've shoving a mallet right up his…"

"CJ!"

"Okay… but I'll do it."

XXXXXX

Josh lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, doing and thinking about nothing at all. He caught himself doing it – doing nothing - and marvelled a little. It had been a long time since he'd just done nothing.

He had nowhere to rush. Margaret had cleared his calendar for today. He could check the news but he'd get called if there was an emergency.

The day's big agenda item - planned for and arranged for well in advance - was him getting married. That was the thing he needed to do today.

He'd managed to get some sleep. She told him to go home after his meeting, and he had. She'd told him to go to bed, even if he didn't sleep, just relax. He had. He wasn't going to tell her that she'd been right, but she had.

There had been just the one bad moment. He'd woken up reaching for her and been sleepily distressed when she wasn't there. For one horrible moment he'd wondered if it had all been a dream, and he was still out there, on the campaign trail, feeling stressed and alone. Then he'd woken up a bit more and remembered. Helen had insisted that they couldn't be together the night before the wedding. Stupid, old fashioned rules.

So here he was. Morning of his wedding. On his own. Staring at the ceiling. Doing nothing.

Doing… nothing.

Nothing…

Okay, he was bored now. He got up, turned on CNN, and checked his email.

**STOP CHECKING YOUR EMAIL**

Read the unmissable subject line of an email from Donna, sent in the small hours of the morning.

He smiled and clicked on it.

_Sigh. You're reading this aren't you? Can't you take one day off?! :)_

_Other people are handling it today. All of it. _

_But since you're reading this… I found something this morning. If you want to know what it is, you're going to have to come looking for it… _

_Meet me on the Minstrel's Gallery. 6pm. I have this little thing to do first, but it should be done by then. _

_L, D. x _

_P.S. Don't reply to this. I'm not checking my email. _

He immediately clicked on reply.

_Sure you are. _

_L U 2 _

He had no idea what or where the Minstrel's Gallery was, but he had about 10 hours to find out.

He left the computer and headed for the bathroom. He had a date to get ready for.

Across town, Donna's phone pinged. She checked her email, and she just couldn't stop smiling.

XXXXXX

A couple of days previously,

"Life doesn't get better than this." Sam sighed contentedly.

Josh made a sound of agreement around the fat cigar in his mouth. The other men in the room made similar noises.

Josh, Sam, Toby, Charlie and Danny were spread, wide and low, and scattered around on the comfy leather couches at Sam's house. Each of them had a glass of brandy in one hand, and a cigar in the other. On the table in the middle were several bottles of brandy, a big box of cigars and the remains of pizza, chips and dips.

"I'll be in so much trouble when the missus finds out about this." Sam continued, gesturing to the cigar with his brandy.

Josh let his head loll back on the cushions. He nodded in agreement and rolled his head to look at Sam.

"Me too." He grinned.

All the men in the room lazily raised their glasses in a toast to the groom.

This wasn't what he'd expected his bachelor party to be like. On the few occasions that such a thing had entered his head, he'd been thinking of bars and beers and, probably, strippers. But this was civilised. It felt right.

"I wonder what the womenfolk are up to?" Sam mused.

"Matt doesn't get back till tomorrow," Josh answered. "So they're doing something girly in the Residence."

Danny's phone beeped on the table and he reached for it. It seemed like a lot of effort to move that far.

"Hair braiding." Sam suggested, deadpan.

"Baking cookies." Toby threw in.

"Painting each other's nails!" Josh added gleefully.

"Plotting how to kill us for using misogynistic stereotypes." Charlie suggested wryly.

They were all vocally protesting, using their legislative successes as their defence, till Danny's outburst shut them up.

"They're doing shots!" He exclaimed.

Everyone abruptly stopped and turned to look at him.

"CJ just texted me." He told them and looked at the screen. "We're doing shots." He read out, mimicking her distinctive tone.

"That's the whole message?" Charlie asked.

"She didn't even put kisses." He sounded aggrieved by that.

"Huh." Was all Charlie said.

"Why aren't WE doing shots?" Sam asked, incredulous and petulant at the same time.

"We're being civilised." Toby replied wryly, and took a draw on his cigar.

"Exactly!" Josh agreed, even though he suddenly sort of wanted to be doing shots too. Or at least be a fly on the wall watching their women…

There was silence for a minute as each man was lost in his own thoughts.

"Tell me I'm not the only one trying to imagine Helen Santos doing shots?" Charlie asked into the quiet.

They all made noises of agreement, since that was exactly the place they'd all just reached.

"So Toby," Josh, shaking his head to clear it, decided to change the topic. "Have you decided what you're gonna do yet?"

He and Josh had already discussed this many times. Despite the pardon, he obviously couldn't come into the administration but there had been plenty of private and third sector companies after him. He was seriously considering a position at Columbia University. That was what Josh was asking about. But he'd also had an idea that he hadn't mentioned to Josh before now. He was sick of being sad.

Toby contemplated his glass, swirling the brandy around as he did so.

"I'm thinking of writing a book…" He finally said.

"A book?" Sam asked with raised eyebrows.

"That's great!" Danny exclaimed.

"Should we be scared?!" Josh asked. "What kinda book?"

"A… Funny book." He said, still watching the glass.

"Funny haha?" Josh asked, incredulously.

"Yeah." Toby said.

"You're writing comedy?" Sam asked.

"Yeah."

"Political comedy?" Danny asked.

"Yeah."

"Go Toby!" Sam exclaimed.

"We should be scared, shouldn't we?! We should be scared!" Josh asked, still grinning.

They all raised their glasses in toast to Toby and made positive noises. He looked up at them over the glass and smiled.

Danny's phone beeped. I SNORTED OUTZ MY NOISE/ - The message said. His lips quirked. She was good and hammered.

"What'd she say?" Charlie asked.

"You don't wanna know." Danny told him.

They raucously begged him.

"You don't wanna know!" He insisted. "They're having fun." He admitted.

"Good." Sam said.

"Yeah." Josh agreed.

Everyone's phone started beeping at roughly the same time. They all scrambled for them in pockets and on the table.

Everyone - except Toby - had the same message.

LOVE YOU. x

Actually, a couple of them were too drunk to spell it right [names redacted to protect their identities], but they all contained the same emotion.

Josh, Sam, Charlie and Danny all smiled at their screens, and immediately began to reply.

Toby just stared at his phone, frowning.

In California, Matt Santos was sat in his office on Air Force One preparing for take-off to go home. His phone beeped.

In a dimly lit room, in a big white house, a group of very drunk women sat around giggling like teenagers with their phones - now beeping - in their hands, each privately read their return message… and then they started on another round.

Lou had already put her phone down and was pouring the drinks.

XXXXXX

Two Days Later,

Everyone agreed that the ceremony was beautiful, even if the bride's father was very obviously freaking out. Thankfully she had a good hold on him and they made it okay to the end of the aisle.

Only the most partisan or most cynical would believe anything other than that this was a joyful celebration between two people very much in love.

They read the vows that had been written for them by Sam. They'd separately sat down with him and he'd turned what they wanted into say into poetry.

When the officiant turned to the crowd to make the formal statements, everyone noticed the moment of conversation that passed between the bride and groom, but no one could hear what they said.

{ "Nothing about obeying me then..?" "Shut up." }

Then it was done. They were kissing and smiling, and walking back up the aisle together arm in arm.

XXXXXX

5:45PM

Josh had barely seen Donna since the cake cutting. She'd been dragged away by Helen and was mingling out there somewhere. He kept seeing the occasional flash of white amongst the crowd and trying to head towards it. He was thwarted at every turn by really annoying well-wishers. They hadn't had a single moment alone since the two minutes at the end of the ceremony; just long enough for a few I've missed you's and bit of kissing.

He was getting antsy.

He'd had located the Minstrel's Gallery. Standing on the south side of the ballroom, it was directly above his head. The waiter had told him there was a door to get up there, so he was here looking about for it. He smiled when he spotted it, slightly hidden behind a huge vase of flowers.

Just then a hand fell onto his shoulder, and his heart sank as a voice said.

"Joshua, I've been looking for you."

He turned.

"Hello, Mr President." He said with a big fake smile.

"Josh, I don't suppose there's any chance of you calling me Jed now?" He was smiling.

"I'm not quite comfortable with that, sir." He smiled, genuinely now.

Jed Bartlet put an arm around his shoulder and started to lead him away from the door. Josh looked back in that direction, desperately.

"I wanted to have a word with you about marriage…" He started.

"Thank you, sir, but I have…" He tried to come up some excuse but Jed wasn't listening.

"Josh, marriage is…"

Josh looked at the door over his shoulder again as he was led away from it.

XXXXXX

5:45PM

Donna had taken a moment for herself and was hiding in the shadows behind one of the huge flower vases that were dotted all along the walls of the ballroom. She could see where the budget had gone now.

She hadn't seen Josh in a while. Who knew that they'd end up spending so little time together on their wedding day. After the ceremony and the formalities, they'd both been pulled in different directions to mingle with their guests.

She looked up at the Minstrel's Gallery at the southern end of the ballroom and smiled. Not long now.

A group of men she only vaguely recognised came closer and she ducked behind the flowers a little more.

"Non-denominational ceremony!" One of them snorted. "They make a show but they don't believe in marriage!"

"Well, you know he only married her because he had to!" Said another.

Donna, unseen by them, rolled her eyes and pulled a mocking face.

"Yeah, after a decade of shacking up in sin!"

"She's pretty though." One of them admitted. "Can't completely blame him."

"Hot little piece of ass." Another agreed. They all laughed appreciatively.

Donna's eyes went wide and she had to slap her hand over her mouth and nose to keep from making a noise. Then she did it again to suppress a laugh.

She straightened her spine and stepped out from behind the flowers.

"Hello gentlemen, I hope you're enjoying the wedding?" She asked, pleasantly.

Their faces were priceless. She nearly laughed but, somehow, managed to keep her composure.

"Feel free to enjoy the food." She carried on with a beaming smile, noting their heaving plates. "And there'll be dancing soon. Perhaps you should go find to your wives. Have a good evening."

She turned and walked off grinning, leaving them with a nice view of her hot little ass.

After a moment,

"Damn." One of them said, appreciatively.

XXXXXX

5:51PM

Josh was in hell. He wondered what he'd done so wrong in life to deserve this.

Jed was still talking about the joys of marriage.

Josh kept looking longingly at the closed door to the study they were now sitting in.

He desperately wanted to experience some of them.

XXXXXX

5:51PM

Donna walked up to Lou who was standing at the buffet table, overloading her plate with food.

"Why we did we invite so many Republicans?" Donna asked, looking glum.

"Josh wanted them where he could keep an eye on them." Lou replied without looking at her, her attention still on picking up food.

Donna smiled wryly. She looked up at the Minstrels' Gallery, just a short way away from her now.

She patted Lou on the arm.

"Try and leave some for everyone else." She told her as she walked away, determinedly, towards the door to the gallery.

She made it uninterrupted and, with a furtive look around, slipped through it.

XXXXXX

5:58PM

"Look, I'm sorry, Mr President." Josh exploded, cutting in suddenly to what Jed was saying. "But I REALLY have to go!" He jumped up.

Jed stood up too. He smiled.

"She's waiting for you?"

Josh nodded. He was an obviously a desperate man.

"Go." Jed said, grinning.

"Thank you." Josh said with great sincerity.

He ran out of the room and down the corridor.

As he left the carpet and moved onto the shiny flooring, his shoes lost purchase and he literally skidded some way into the ballroom.

Everyone nearby turned to look at him. He tried to feign nonchalance as he took two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter.

He gave it a minute for everyone to start ignoring him again, then made a break for the door.

With a furtive look around, he slipped through it.

XXXXXX

6PM

Toby stood in the shadows, slightly behind one of the flower vases.

He wasn't comfortable. He was here for Josh and Donna, but biding his time until he could say congratulations to them again and get out of here.

There had been an uncomfortable moment earlier when he'd come to face with Jed Bartlet. Neither had known what to say. Toby had given a small nod, acknowledging his thanks for the pardon… and walked away first.

The sound of feminine heels clicking on the shiny floor, coming towards him, caught his attention. They stopped.

Lou stood in front of him with a plate piled dangerously high with finger food.

XXXXXX

6:01PM

Josh flew nearly to the top of the stairs. Paused. Struck a pose with the champagne glasses and sauntered the rest of the way up to the gallery.

Donna was sitting in a comfy looking chair, with her feet up on a glass coffee table.

"You're late." She said.

"You have a watch in that outfit?" He asked, amused.

She gestured towards the wall behind him and he turned to see that there was clock up there that was just moving to 6:02.

He turned back and gestured with the glasses.

"I brought us champagne." He smiled seductively, as he came closer.

She stood up, moved to meet him, took the glasses away and put them down onto the table. He stood rooted to the spot as she came right up to close him and leaned in.

"I don't need champagne." She said, a whisper away from his lips.

And then they were kissing as if it was the first time.

XXXXXX

6:02PM

"You want food?" Lou asked flatly.

"No thanks." Toby replied.

"You want anything else?" She asked in the exact same tone.

They just looked at each other for a long moment.

She turned and walked away.

Toby watched her go.

She stopped, looked back and raised her eyebrows.

Then carried on walking.

He thought for a moment, and followed her.

XXXXXX

Josh had backed Donna up against the wall, kissing passionately. He pulled at her skirt to lift it, and pulled, and pulled, and pulled.

He broke off the kissing.

"How much of this skirt is there?!"

She fell laughing against his chest.

He eased back a little so he could wade through it two handed, pulled some more and found a hard plastic band.

"What, uh?" He asked.

"That's my hoop." She told him.

"You mean like a crinoline?"

"Yes Josh, exactly a crinoline."

"Can I ring you like a bell?" He asked gleefully.

She rolled her eyes.

Suddenly there was look of such naughtiness on his face. She wasn't sure whether she should be turned on or worried.

"Nope, can't resist this!" He announced, dropping to his knees and he disappeared under her skirt.

"Josh!" She exclaimed.

"Woah, I could live under here." His voice was muffled by the layers of net and taffeta. "It's a tent… and so much to play with!"

His hand traced its way up the inside of her leg and her knees nearly buckled.

"Josh." It came out as a strangled gasp.

That's when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Josh." It was a warning now but he didn't stop.

President Santos appeared at the top of the stairs and looked surprised.

"Mr President!" Donna said and she kicked Josh to make sure she had his attention. He stopped touching her. He stopped moving altogether.

"Donna?" Santos said, confused. "I'm sorry. Sam told me he saw Josh come up here."

"Haven't seen him." She replied, unconvincingly.

Santos frowned at her.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked, concerned.

"I'm fine." She said, a little too brightly.

"It's just that you're up here on your own, so I was worrying…"

"I'm fine." She said in a more reassuring tone.

"Good." He smiled. "Well, can I tell you… You looked beautiful today." He said sincerely.

"Thank you." She said genuinely.

Josh had been frozen knowing that his boss was out there and he really didn't want to be found by him under Donna's skirt, but the more time that passed, the less he cared. He was sitting on the floor, faced with Donna's stocking clad legs. He looked higher. Oh yeah, it was good under here. He noticed the garter and couldn't resist.

He ran a hand all the way from her ankle to the garter. She made a slightly strangled noise again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He heard Santos ask.

"Fine." She replied insistently.

Josh pinged the elastic of the garter. She yelped. The florist card fell out onto the floor. He picked it up curiously.

"Perhaps if you could go get me some water." Donna suddenly said, but then obviously immediately realised that she had just asked the President to get her water. "I mean, I mean, I didn't, I mean."

"It's okay." He heard Santos say reassuringly. "I'll have someone send some up."

He started walking away.

"When you see Josh, tell him I'm looking for him."

"I will, sir." She said meekly.

As soon as he was gone, she lifted her skirt with both hands and physically kicked Josh out from under it.

"That wasn't funny!" She said, as he stood up and faced her.

He wasn't laughing. He held up the card with a tender smile and flipped it between his fingers.

She immediately softened and smiled back.

"You won't complain if I send you some next year, will you?"

"Depends what day you send them."

They kissed tenderly this time.

He pulled back.

"It WAS funny." He said with a grin.

She clocked him round the head.

XXXXXX

Matt went down the stairs smiling. Donna's skirt had moved when she'd jumped and he'd noticed the dress shoe sticking out from under it. Sam had obviously sent him up there as a prank on Josh.

He was going to have to words with Sam… to make sure he let him in on the joke first in future.


End file.
